...You cry because your favorite app fucked up.
Google Image Search is easily my most used internet program, period. I'm an artist. It's a fucking endless encyclopedia of references. I want to draw something I'm unfamiliar with? Bam. Instantly, hundreds of photos of different angles are before my fingertips.
Since getting my new Android phone (which I'd been only DREAMING of until this summer, when I finally realized the beauty of being able to search more than basically just wikipedia on one's phone), I have been abusing my Google Search app. It's my favorite. Fucking. App. I probably use Google Search more than I text or call people. That means that over its primary function as a communication device, my phone is first and most importantly a way for me to access information quickly, anywhere I go. I bloody love Google Search. No matter when the urge hits me, I can whip out my phone and search images and know exactly what animal X looks like or how a Y dress fits at the waist or what exactly a Z hairstyle even is.
Now get this: I used to love Google Search on my phone almost more than I do on my PC. Wow.
Why? Google's mobile image search function displayed only roughly 10 images per page--a small amount, yes, but the speed was phenomenal, and I could ascertain whether I could harvest the appropriate visual information from any of these 10 images in a mere moment. The instant I knew I needed to go to the next page, there was this BEAUTIFUL function in which I could swipe my finger across the screen as if swatting the images away, and the next page's images would take their place. It was a very natural feeling search, like turning a page. I loved it.
It no longer works like this. I've had to turn off the automatic update function on Google Play, because whenever the app would update, I would only get Google Classic view, with absolutely no way to switch to mobile. Any wayward attempt to force the search engine to believe it really was being accessed from a mobile device ended only in Classic view.
This wouldn't be a thing if Google Classic wasn't a total batshit nightmare on my phone. Scrolling down is pointless because the page zips back up to the top faster than I can even read links or view image thumbnails. Typing in the search bar is a pain in the ass, as it will select entire words, delete them, retype them, or begin typing somewhere in the search bar way the hell away from where I told it to type. When you're refining your search, you often have to change specifics. Like, "white deer" may become "albino deer" may become "leucistic deer." If your search is going to have more refinements than that, you might not want to have to entirely delete your keywords when only changing one of them. I mean if I don't completely type it anew, it's like my phone is fucking possessed.
Well, my app started malfunctioning again, which it tends to do if it's updated automatically, so I attempt to uninstall to the base version. No dice. I decide to check for an update. Today's update is only compatible with 4.1 up. My phone is 2.3.6. Whoaaa ok. Can't find like, "prior updates" or anything like you might could for actual PC software, so I'm fucked.
I run around in circles for an hour on their help forum, fruitlessly. I hit every wall imaginable, and in the end can't even locate the appropriate way to contact Google on the issue. I can't even say, "hey, I love your product, and I use it all the time, but I'm having issues." I just get "Wow, this was a huge waste of my time, forget this app."
I'm running Firefox for android now, which will load Google's image search in an effective and acceptable manner, but it pales in comparison to the ease and immediacy of the actual Google Search app's interface.
Oh the fuck well, I know better than to go to Google for help with an issue now.
Listening to: AWOL Nation- "Kill Your Heroes"